Love at First Sight

Something that immediately attracted me so much to Kenny was his love for Kason and his desire to be the best Dad he could. When it was time for Kason to come to Vegas for his summer visit, Kenny and I were just starting to get more serious. The more serious we got, the more nervous I got about meeting Kas. He was only 22 months, but I KNEW that if Kas and I didn't click that would be the end of Kenny and I. Kenny was actually flying out of Utah to pick up Kas for the 4th of July so him and I drove up north together so I could spend the 4th with my sister and her family. I dropped him off at the airport and planned on picking him up the next day.



I went inside the airport so I could help Kenny with the bags. I will never forget that sweet little Kason in Kenny's arms. He was so little and happy. We sat and waited for the bags and I remember Kason just sitting there smiling at me. Kason has a smile that will melt your heart instantly. Him and Kenny took off right away for Malad so it was a brief, but great meeting. A few days later we all headed back to Vegas together. We left late so Kas could sleep while we drove. He was having a hard time sleeping so Kenny had me climb in the back seat with him. I'll never forget him holding on to my arm cuddling it. It was a first sweet moment with a little boy that has become part of my everything.

Isn't he the sweetest thing?

He has grown up so much since then!

 

Because I was working at a bank at the time I had Thursday's as my day off so I offered to take care of Kason so he didn't have to go to daycare. Thursday's became my favorite day of the week. I would come pick up Kas and he would come run errands with me, we'd have lunch together, and play with all of his toys at the house. He was my little buddy and we bonded. He couldn't say my name very well so Emily became Mimi... it's still what he calls me today and I love it. He tells everyone that I'm his Mimi because I'm a kind of a Mommy.

 

 

Waiting for Daddy to Come Home

 

Blowing Kisses

 

I am so grateful for this little guy in my life. I feel lucky to be part of his world. I can't believe how quickly he is growing up! He is such a little boy now and it amazes me how time flies. I can't wait to have a baby so that he can be a big brother. His Mom has a daughter and he is so sweet and cute with her. When we were in Texas last time he told us that, "When you have a baby from your tummy and it's a boy (he really wants us to have a boy, haha) I want to share a room with him. I want his bed like right next to me so I can hold his hand while he sleeps."  Aw, I love the kid so much!

 

Kas graduated from pre-school this last week and he seriously looked so handsome in his little cap and gown! He'll start Kindergarten in a few months and we are praying that we will be there in Texas for good by then so we don't have to miss any more big moments like this one! :) Love our Kas!

 

 

 

Timing

There's so many more stories I have to tell about Kenny and I... but one of the most important stories is how Kenny's family was always meant to be my family someday. It's a pretty crazy story actually...

Rewind to Fall of 2006...

I was sitting on a plane heading home from my brother David and new sister-in-law, Robyn's wedding reception. They had eloped a few months earlier so we all traveled to Denver to celebrate with them. On the way home I had full plans of getting caught up on the school work I had fallen behind on while I was gone. As I was reading my book the cute older man sitting next to me started to chat. He was SO funny and interesting and I had a great conversation with him. We ended up talking the entire 2 hour plane ride. He told me all about his family. His kids, grandkids, great grandkids, etc. As the stewardess announced that we were going to be landing this cute man asked me if I was dating anyone. At the time I really wasn't so he asked if could set me up with this grandson, Landon. I figured one date was harmless and so gave him my number. A few days later his Grandson Landon called and we went on a date. We hung out a few times after that, but figured out we were just good friends.

Now fast forward to Winter of 2009..

Kenny was hanging out at my house looking through my Facebook. As he scrolled through my friends list he stopped and asked, "How do you know Landon?". I told him I had been on a few dates with him, but hadn't seen him a few years... Shocked he says, "That's my cousin!" I then told him the story of how Landon and I even met... Then he says, "Did that cute man have the last name Budge? Cause if so that's my Grandpa!". We died laughing and couldn't believe the coincidence. A few months later I got to see Grandpa Budge again and he was in just as much shock as me that all these years later I ended up with one of his grandsons! He still to this day LOVES to tell the story and that he always knew I was supposed to be in this family somehow. He sure was right... just a little off on the timing. :) I couldn't be more grateful for the family I married into. I really feel like Heavenly Father blessed me! They truly are the most amazing and inspiring people you will ever meet.

 

Grandma and Grandpa Budge

 

When Kenny and I talk about our college days there are so many times him and I should have met but never did. Kenny used to study with my best friend on campus everyday. I would visit her frequently and she would have study groups at our house. He did all of his banking at the credit union I worked at all through college. We hung out at all the same places when we were both single... I can go on and on... The point is...

 

  It's all about timing people! There are so many opportunities that Kenny and I should have met  before we were with the people we married at one point. But we didn't. I could sit here and ask why... it would have saved so much heart ache for both of us if we had just met first. But then would we have even liked each other? Some of the qualities we most love about each other and that keep us strong as a couple were developed when we've gone through our hard times. And because of how it all happened I'm lucky enough to be a step Mama ("Mimi" or "Kinda Mommy" as Kas calls me) to Kason. Kason is so much of the reason that I want to have my own children... because I love him so much that I can't imagine not expanding that love to a bigger family! I feel so lucky that I get to have him in my life!

 

 

These two are my entire world.

 

 It's just another reminder to me that I am not on my own time table... I am on the Lord's time table. And thank goodness. He knows me better than I know myself.

 

As this opportunity with Pound the Pavement for Parenthood has come I am reminded of that yet again. For the last couple of years as we have been struggling with infertility I have kept asking "Why us? Why can't we have our family now?". But now I have my answer. Because I needed to meet the incredible people involved with PPP. Going through infertility has just been one more thing that has strengthened Kenny and I as a couple. Because I needed to open up to others about our struggles so they could open up about their own. So many doors have been opened. I am sure that as time goes on I will find even more reasons why this is how we get to start our family... but I know that all of it is happening because my Father in Heaven has a plan for me. It is the best way for me. I love him so much and am grateful that he provides the opportunities and trials he does so I can become a better person. 

Our First Date

Before I went on a date with Kenny I had a LONG conversation with my best friend Katey while sitting on the kitchen floor of our house. She really wanted me to make sure I took things slow with Kenny. For multiple reasons. 2 Main: 1. He was her co-worker so things would get awkward if we started dating then broke up. 2. While the boy from Idaho and I were on a little "break" to figure some things out, she didn't want me to push him aside completely yet... because honestly he was a great guy. I promised I wouldn't and so went on the date with little to no expectations of anything coming from it.

Kenny picked me up that night to head to the 51's game. He looked SO handsome and smelled AMAZING. His trick? Aqua Di Gio. It is heaven in a bottle ladies. Anyways... we had a great time at the baseball game. Katey and her boyfriend Paul came along which made it a little more comfortable. We had a blast!

 

 

After the game we headed to Margarita Ville with them for some Volcano Nachos. If you are ever in Vegas, it is a must while you're here. The plate of Nachos easily feeds 4 people... if not more. And they are DELICIOUS!

After dinner Kenny wanted to walk down to the Belagio fountains for a few shows. They are my favorite thing in Vegas and I thought it'd be nice to talk to him one on one, so we separated from Katey and Paul for the night. While we were standing at the fountains we carried on a GREAT conversation for over 2 hours.He listened, he joked, he could talk about deep things and didn't have to be all manly... he was/is awesome. We held hands while we talked and that was where my comfort level stood for the night. Then came the crossing of the comfort level...

Something you should know about Kenny when you meet him is he is absolutely not afraid to say what's on his mind (No matter how inappropriate it might be, haha). He is really great at making others feel at ease around him AND most importantly he has the best heart of anyone out there. He will tell you how he feels and you should know it is sincere. That was something that I didn't know about him yet though....  Before we started the walk back to the car he grabbed my other hand so he was facing me directly. He got REALLY close to my face... and started saying all these SUPER sweet things and how he felt like me and him had an amazing connection. For some reason I panicked. I thought he was sweet talking for a kiss. I liked him, but wasn't so sure about all these cute things he was saying. I did my best to casually change the topic and we started our walk back to the car. When I got home that night I wanted to make sure he knew I was interested in seeing him more because I thought I scared him off when I avoided his sweetness. Even though it came on a as a little much we had a great time! I text him to let him know how much fun I had and that we should do it again. He called me the next morning to set up date two.

When Kenny and I talk about that moment at the fountains now his response is usually the same. As he puts it, "I knew what I was doing. I always knew that I'd win you over. I mean look at me. You'd be crazy not to want me." Haha if you know Kenny that seems about right... if you don't... he's WAY confident... in the best kind of way. :) That night was the start of something that changed my world completely.

The Night We Met

When I moved to Vegas one of the first things I was introduced to was Stoney's Rocking Country. It is a line dancing bar here in town that all of the single Mormon kids would go to every Thurday night to dance and hang out. It was ALWAYS a blast. Stoney's is always packed with locals and the setting is really casual and fun. We would get there around 9pm and dance till 1am and then head to Buffalo Wild Wings for a late night snack... we did this every Thursday for like 4 or 5 months straight, haha. Some of my favorite memories from Vegas that year were there.

Katey, Dianna, and I were making our plans to meet up and get ready together when Katey mentioned she was inviting one of her co-workers. She had mentioned him before, but all I really knew about him is that he had just moved back to Vegas a month ago after a pretty awful divorce. I had just gone through something VERY similar so Katey thought him and I should meet... maybe we could "bond".  I have to admit. The last thing I wanted to do was to get hooked up with someone I could swap divorce stories with. I had moved on with my life and was happy. She really had the best intentions. I was just anti-discussion of divorce at the time, haha. I had been dating a boy from Idaho Falls off and on and so didn't really find interest in the whole idea.

We got to Stoney's and started dancing and hanging out with our friends. I remember sitting on some stairs with my friend D when I saw an EXTREMELY attractive guy approach Katey who was just a few feet away. I leaned over to Dianna to point him out when Katey started to walk towards us with him.  She introduced him, "This is Kenny, my coworker." Um WHAT?! She had failed to metion how attractive this guy was. All notions of not wanting to get to know this guy too well immediately went out the window. As we all walked out to show Kenny a line dance I leaned over to Dianna and said, "Seriously the greatest set of lips I've ever seen on a guy in my life." Haha. If you know Kenny  you'll know that his lips are one of his favorite things on himself. They are abnormally full, in a good way. He loves that it was the first thing I noticed about him. We hung out with our group of friends all night and I didn't really get to talk to Kenny much. At the end of the night he came and sat by me so we could chat for a few minutes, but got interrupted pretty quickly. It was getting late so we all decided to head out. Katey and I were in the car on the way home when she got a text from Kenny, "You're friend Emily... Wow. She is freakin' gorgeous!" (Which she never showed me until weeks later, haha)

                                                  
            Dianna and Brook hanging out at Stoney's

                   Our first Stoney's picture together.

Anyways, the next morning while I was at work I got  a text from Katey saying that Kenny had asked for my number. I was SO excited and anxiously waited for his call later that day. When he called we talked for over an hour. He was SUCH a smooth talker and by the end of our conversation we had a date set up. I haven't been so nervous for a date in a long time.

Good Things DO Come!

Kenny and I received some great news a few days ago that we are both excited to share. We would like you to keep in mind however, that this is a big deal for us to talk openly about it. We've both been hesitant to let anyone in on a few things going on in our life with anybody except for close family and friends. As time has gone on, we've discovered through our trial that we are definitely not alone in this. We feel like sharing could only create positive things to come. SO... a little background (okay a lot, sorry) before the NEWS.

Most people do not know that my hubby Kenny has a form of Muscular Dystrophy called Myotonic Dystrophy (MMD). In Kenny's case the disease didn't show itself really until he was about 25. In short, Myotonic Dystrophy is muscle wasting in the extremities. There are two types and thankfully Kenny has the less severe of the two. While some can have heart problems, lose their ability to walk, write, etc., Kenny has only lost his ability to grip anything with his hands. Looking at Kenny, you would have no idea that he even has any issues. We met with a specialist a few months ago and found out that every case is completely different so there is no way to tell what other things Kenny will experience in the future. As for now though, Kenny is healthy and strong, and as long as we have regular check-up's there's not much for us to worry about. However, another common problem we learned that comes from MMD is infertility. Kenny and I have struggled to get pregnant for the last 2 years. While Kenny does have a son, because he didn't have symptoms until he was in his early 20's and MMD is a progressive disease, infertility did not become an issue until after Kason was born. As a result we have found that because of MMD and other issues with me that our best option to have a baby together is through In-Vetro Fertilization (IVF). We also learned that because MMD is a genetic disease that there is a 50/50 chance it would be passed onto our children. IVF would ensure that it would not be passed on.

                                        
               Is he not the most handsome thing ever?!

If you know anything about IVF, it is ridiculously expensive. When we met with a fertility specialist here in Vegas we were quoted over $28,000. Obviously, we don't have that kind of money lying around and so have been putting the idea of kids on hold. It has been a really difficult two years for us. In ways that I can't really explain. We both want to have children together so badly. Kenny is such an amazing Dad to Kason and I KNOW that we have children waiting for us up there in Heaven. I am supposed to be a Mom. I’ve always felt that and wanted that so much. It just hasn't been on our time table I guess. Infertility is something that I would never wish on anyone. It is a struggle that no one can really understand unless you've been there. We have been so blessed with amazing family members though that have supported us through this hard time. We could not be more grateful for the support. And thank goodness we have each other...

 

           ...couldn't be more grateful that I have someone to help me laugh in between the tears.

About a month and a half ago I came across an organization on Facebook, Pound the Pavement for Parenthood. (PPP) They are an organization that is creating awareness and support for infertility. Infertility is something that people rarely talk about or share with others because of its sensitivity. At least that has been our case. PPP also sponsors couples that are having difficulties with infertility to assist them in relieving some of the financial burden that comes with both IVF and/or adoption. While looking around on their website I found that they were accepting applications for couples to sponsor in 2013 and so I applied. A few days later I got an email from, Jill who started the organization with her husband in 2010. Jill set up a phone interview with me and we talked for over 20 minutes about what Kenny and I had experienced over the last two years. It was such a relief to talk to someone who actually understood what Kenny and I were experiencing. To feel like the person on the other end of the conversation could actually relate the pain and frustrations we had experienced. For the last few weeks, we have been waiting anxiously to hear from PPP and on Thursday, we finally received the call.

Kenny and I have been selected to be 1 of 5 families that PPP will be sponsoring in 2013! On September 14, 2013 they will be holding a 5K race in St. George Utah with another couple to raise awareness and funds to go towards infertility treatments/adoption! I can't even explain to you what a blessing this is for Kenny and I! We both had kind of given up and this blessing has just proven to us that Heavenly Father hears prayers and answers them.

Over the next few months we will be posting more of our story and the plans for the race in September. We hope you'll join us on our journey this next year. This is something that we found no one ever wants to talk about... and we understand why...We've been there for the last two years. But I really hope that through us sharing our story we will be able to create support for others going through similar trials. I know what relief we felt when we relalized we were not alone in this. Our true desire is to create the same feeling for others as well!

 

Patience.

WARNING: This post was more than anything for me to get my thoughts out so in turn it's super LONG.

Kenny and I have had a great year for so many reasons... We finally were able to get our clearance to get sealed in the Salt Lake City temple. When I opened the letter from the first presidency, I immediately started crying. We have been trying to get this done since we got engaged, but b/c of Bishop's and Stake Presidents losing paperwork, ex's being ex's, etc. it took FOREVER. We got sealed on September 1, 2012 and it really was one of the most special days of my life aside from our wedding day. It is so amazing to be sealed to someone for eternity. Someone I love and respect more than anyone else that has come into my life. He is my best friend. When I first met Kenny we were both at a "low" in our lives. Both recently divorced neither one of us had a lot of trust in others and had lost faith in marriage and love. We had both been made to feel as if we weren't "worth" happiness.  I can't even begin to tell you how grateful I am for Kenny coming into my life. He seriously is my rock. Anyone that knows Kenny knows three major things about him 1.He will ALWAYS make you laugh 2. He is the most easy going person and patient on the planet. 3. He is the most loyal friend, husband, son, brother, Uncle, etc., etc. etc. Love the guy and grateful he keeps me on my toes.

 

He seriously is the greatest.

While this year has been SO great for so many reasons we've also faced a few trials. Everyone has them right? But there has been one big one that honestly has shaken my faith a little. Thank goodness for a level headed hubby that has helped me hold it together and remember what's important. I have found myself asking the questions, "Why us? What am I doing wrong?". I've even found myself saying to Heavenly Father in my prayers, "Don't you think Kenny and I both have had it rough enough? Don't we deserve a break after what we both overcome." Now I know, that's isn't really the way to get what you want. In fact, it's kind of the selfish thing to say. He's blessed me with a lot. More things than most. In fact, what we are going through is MINOR in comparison to the trials others experience. Heavenly Father is also the only reason either one of us made it through the trials the way we did. I should be grateful and probably stop feeling so sorry for us. But it's so hard for me being in the moment to remember that. I get so frustrated. I wish I didn't, but I can't help it.  Lately from conversations with my family and close friends I've realized that I need to quit asking "Why us? We've already been through a lot." and instead ask, "What am I supposed to learn from all of this? What is it that you want me to do?" and more importantly show a little more gratitude for the many things we DO have that others don't.

One thing I have come to determine that he is trying to get me to learn from all of this is how to be patient. I have NEVER been a very patient person. In fact I like to call Kenny my "patience" because it literally doesn't exist in my body. He has enough patience for both of us. Obviously though I can't rely on that forever right?  What it comes down to is this... I need to have a little more faith in Heavenly Father.The other day while I was cleaning I actually read this cute little decoration I had bought and didn't realize how perfect it was for us. Now, I'm sure I read it when I bought it, but more then anything I bought it cause it was "cute", not realizing how applicable it was to me. The quote is:

Reading that was like someone slapped me across the face and said, "Duh Emily." Faith in him doesn't just mean having faith he is there. Faith requires so much more than that... including having faith in his timing. It requires a little patience. SO...I'm working on it. I'm trying my hardest to put everything in his hands and just do what it is I know I'm supposed to be doing in my life. I need to keep up on developing my testimony, my relationship with Kenny, my relationship with Christ and then let him guide me where I need to go. I'll let you all know how it goes. In the mean time I'm going to continue to enjoy our lives right now, working on developing the even better me, and looking for all the blessings I have rather then the "trials"... and most importantly I'm really really really going to start trying to practice PATIENCE.

Oops. Let's Try This Again.

SO. I admit it. I am the worst at blogging. My best friend Courtney has asked me a few times over the last year and a half when I'm going to do my next blog post. To which I respond, "I will do it........ this month." Well peeps, it's a a lot of months later and I have yet to write one post. BUT I'm going to try it again. There is so much going on our lives right now that I don't want to forget to write about. Kenny and I are going to Texas this week to celebrate Kason's 5th... yes 5th! birthday and I feel like that alone is reason to make sure I document all of the big and little things we do with him and our little memories we create as a "happy family"(Kasons's only way of describing the three of us together, haha). Kason is growing up so fast. My parents have always told me that time flies once you start having kids.I totally understand what they mean now. Yes, Kason isn't "my son", but I love him and look at him as if he is my own and it's amazing to see him grow up. When Kas and I first met he was just over a year I fell in love with his sweet little personality instantly. I had no idea though that my love for him could develop into what it is now. He brings such a happiness and joy in our lives when he is around and I couldn't imagine life without him. I love the kid more than anything. It makes me teary even typing about him, haha. Oh geez.

Tell me how you couldn't fall in love with this face.

(Disneyland 2012)

SO Here I go again. Instead of trying to catch up on the last year and half I'm starting today with a fresh start.

Our "Happy Family"